God has me in a introspective place in my life right now. I don't know if it's because I will be 30 in the next few years and I feel like in the world's perspective I have not "acquired' much. I keep searching. I come back to what Janice Henry said about watching TV that she never feels filled up after she watches a show and so she decides to invest herself into the word because she feels filled up after she reads the word. I have been applying that thinking to my life. I want to live a life that just shines Jesus....you see those people coming who just radiate God's love. I want to be that person. I want to shine Jesus and not care about what this world has to offer. It's like that song....if I had 2 hands doing the same thing.....boy I sure could do a lot. It's such a struggle to do both. I get so tired from the rat race. I just want to do & be what God wants me to be. The scriptures I have been working through are:

Titus 2:5-to live wisely, be pure, work in our homes, to do good, to submit to our husbands.....

Titus 2:12-We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.

1 John 2:15-17-Do not lobe this world not the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

Philippians 4:8-Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

The Character of God/Life Update

So at Stonegate we have been looking at the Charatcter of God and how that plays out in our every day life. It was been wrecking mine! I go each week and get impacted on how I want to do more. I want to fix my eyes on those people around me who need Jesus that day. My "jesus radar". I have been trying to follow through with what God lays on my heart by bringing meals to our neighbors...totally out of my comfort zone. I wanted to do a random act of kindness to be Jesus to them. My circle of influence is small...of Jesus needing people. I love to encourage and be there for my friends but they have just as much opportunity to be with the Lord that I do. It's just the choices and decisions that we make. I often times fall short & fail on spending time in the word on a consistent, daily basis. I am striving.

I am tired of living an empty life. That may be kind of harsh but I want my life to be meaningful. I doubt when I get to thirty I'll say....man all those episodes of Biggest Loser, and My Life as Liz, and the Buried Life were the best moments in my life. I want to get to thirty (which is a few more years away...phew!) and say man I have loved living life to the fullest. I want to impact people lives and invest in them.

On a side note, our MOMS group is thriving. We had a HUGE turnout for when Patrick & Cindy Payton spoke and then this last time it was back to normal as we figured it would be. We are getting new moms each week which is great! I just want to be used in that ministry to encourage and bring hope to SAHM. We need all the encouragement we can get!

I have been doing a lot of life evaluating lately since we have been doing this whole character of God series and what that looks like in our lives. I am trying to find meaning and purpose to what I do. What I will do when Gabe goes to school. When Lily is in CDO. When life simply changes again. I need something to do! So, with the encouragement of Janice Henry I am going to be starting my own business. I think it will be called Papercutz or Creativecutz. I am super excited and I hope that God will bless it. I need something to focus on and I would love to be able to contribute financially if possible. So, it will be a variety of monogrammed things, post-it note holders,clipboards, frames, pens, favors, notepads....etc. I think it will give me a little "job" to do. I am looking forward to the journey that could possibly be.

Well I am also praying through Gabe getting into the magnet school. I went last week and filled out my papers and prayed over them several times as I stood in the elevator to bring to turn them in. I hope & pray we get selected. We shall wait until April 30th to find out the news!

For today I am closing with this verse that struck a cord in me this morning during my devotions: do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.

Lord I want to fix my eyes on you and be content with what I got!

A lot has happened

So it has been a while since I last posted but a lot sure has gone on. God has tested us the enemy has frustrated us and now we just wait. Last week everything was going pretty good. I called the mortgage company on Monday to see where we were at, the bathroom remodel was well on its way, Gabe was slowly earning back his toys...etc. However on Wednesday we has MOMS group which I thought was going so smooth until the sound wouldn't work for the video-which frustrated me because I try to hard to make everything perfect. God showed me I was trying too hard and perhaps wasn't leaving it up to HIM, lol. I've got to love those moments. So I was all proud that things were great and then it was crushed by the sound system!

Then by Friday I still had not heard from the Farmer's Market about setting up a booth, the mortgage company never called, the leadership team wanted to change the newsletter around, the bathroom and things around the house were not getting done as quickly as I expected, I haven't budged another pound on the scale but have worked so hard to, Bill is out every night, and my kids were of course grumpy! It was an awful afternoon. I so badly felt like I have yet again failed. I just want to give up. I don't want to deal with this anymore. Woe is me! blah blah blah

Sunday rolled around and church kicked my butt! He truly does have my greatest interests in mind! He is jealous of me, he loves me! So when Janice called and wanted me to do those cookie boxes in 2 days, and the mortgage company called to tell me that we weren't going to get approved for as much as I had hoped and I was already stressed out with everything else going on. All I could do was sing, "You make all things work together for my good.." I wasn't mad. I was a little bummed. I tried my hardest not to let it get me down. I was going to focus on what God promises us. He loves me and wants the best for me! He already knows the plans, I just need to trust the journey!

Funny Moment

For weeks Gabe has been asking this...So today Gabe asked me again if he was going to be reported? I said what? He asked again and I said No. I said reported for what? He said you know for the treasure box. Then I asked him if Mrs. Ingram says that? He said no. I was like well where did you hear that and he said from me. So, I continued to question him....then it finally dawned on me (after several weeks now) that he meant rewarded! Duh!

A little excitement

So we were still asleep when Gabe woke up this morning and to my surprise he did notice his V-Smile. He ran out to Gea & Poppie and told her that someone put it in his room and he thought that it was because he stayed in his bed all night, haha. Not quite the reason but glad he stayed in his bed.

Stripped Away Take 2

So I didn't know what to expect when we took all of Gabe's things out of his room. I thought the impact would be huge but once everything settled and the day went on it was just a topic of discussion that came up again and again. Gabe went to his friend Aden's house to play. I finished taking down and packing away the Christmas decorations and adding all of our new treasures we bought in Abilene yesterday. It actually was a good rest of the day. My heart is a little sad each time I walk by his room and their is nothing in there. It makes me want to just be done with it, throw in the towel, and restock his shelves. But I want him to learn the lesson that he does need to care about his things and that he is a blessed little boy who has lots of wonderful things to play with and be responsible for. So, since today he was good overall we decided to put one toy back into his room. His V-Smile that he got for Christmas. I kind of have these expectations that he will awake in the morning to his V-Smile and grab it like it is Christmas morning and be so excited to have a toy to play with. But I am sure it won't go exactly as I have envisioned, ha! I am sure he will stumble from his bed if he hasn't already crawled into someone else's by morning and announce it is morning, requesting cartoons, and a cup of milk. Well, let's hope it is with good manners at least. We shall see...until morning.....

Stripped Away

I started off the morning with Lily screaming. I went in to see what was going on and my mom was changing her diaper and she was in full protest! As I left her room with her in my arms I noticed Gabe in the bathroom. Gabe decided to slam the bathroom door in our face which resulted in him playing in his room instead of watching television.

Gabe kept complaining about being in his room so I suggested that we just get rid of his toys, give them to someone who would appreciate them and take care of them. He didn't think that was such a great idea. So, I decided that since he was going to be in his room, it was Saturday with no agenda that I would purge his toys and just organize for the new year with his help. So, I started that process, Gabe eagerly helped me. Then he slowly drifted out of interest. He couldn't watch tv but he managed to sneak his way to the end of the hallway so he could catch a glimpse of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. So, I told him that he needed to come and help which resulted in him telling me he didn't want to. I said but Gabe we really need to take care of the things that God has given us. Well, he didn't think so. So, I once again suggested that we just box up everything and give it to someone who wanted it and which then his response was, I Don't Care! Fine I thought, I don't care either.

So, before I knew it my reorganizing, purging, turned into a hurry to just put things together, throw out the broken things and get it in the garage. With Bill's full support and help we boxed, bagged, and corralled all of his toys and moved them to the garage.

With Gabe in full revolt we sat on the couch and watched as we moved everything "fun" into the garage. With tears streaming down his face we hauled and moved his stuff all to hopefully drive home the point. We really do need to be thankful and appreciate all the things God has given us.

He has had such a selfish, negative, ungrateful attitude lately and I am no longer going to tolerate it. He has no respect for people or his things. I don't want to wait until he is 11 years old to try and drive home this point. I want to nip it when he is still moldable and changeable. I feel like some how we have fallen short yet again to teach him but I don't know where. I feel like he is growing up in a well-balanced home.

I am just praying for this to hit home, to sink in, to change his thinking even just a little bit. He is smarter than we give credit for and understands more than we think. When it's time to manipulate a situation he can figure it out quite well. I am tired of fighting this battle daily to play with toys that just sit and collect dust.

Then I wonder if we are just giving him too much. Do we spoil him. Do we give give give to some how make us feel better? I don't feel like we do. I think we try and make it balance out that he gets rewarded with good things. He doesn't just get things every single time we go to a store. Perhaps I need to come up with more creative ways for him to give back and give to others.